Posted by: learningwoman | March 18, 2008

Talking into the air

“I was thinking of having a coffee, maybe an instant……” My husband will say, apparently to no-one, his words trailing off into the ether.

When this happens, whatever the subject, I generally respond with an “OK, good idea”, or something similar. After which, he sighs heavily, with something approaching resignation.

For a long time, this was the end of the matter for me. I didn’t understand that what he was actually doing was asking me to make him the coffee of which he spoke. This kind of roundaboutation doesn’t work on me. I just don’t get it. I remain unmoved  simply because something uttered as a statement doesn’t register as a request with me.

We’ve had conversations over the years, where I’ve explained this to him and asked him to please just ask if he wants something from me. I’m pretty approachable and I’m happy to make coffee/go to the bank/buy more cereal, if only he’ll ask.

And for a little while he does. Then he reverts to factory settings. I think he must have been taught that asking for things wasn’t polite, whereas dropping hints is okay. Maybe it’d work with someone else but for me, just the thought of being alert to that stuff makes me tired. Anyway, he assures me that he’s decided not to do it anymore, since it isn’t productive of anything other than a blank stare.

Whew. 🙂



  1. This is so funny. I learned early on in my relationship with Husband that he cannot take a hint. Like with you, they just don’t register.

    So I started to just make requests. I do not revert to factory settings because then I would not get what I want.


  2. I bet he was relieved too. 🙂
    The problem for me is that by the time I realise what my husband means, it’s usually too late and then I just feel bad.
    I like straightforward. Straightforward is good 🙂

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